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THE UNSPOKEN STRUGGLES OF WORKING MOTHERS

THE UNSPOKEN STRUGGLES OF WORKING MOTHERS

by | Aug 30, 2022 | Workplace Emotions

Picture Source: Freepik

 

“I am close to quitting my career”

“I feel as though motherhood is affecting my productivity at work”

“I am terrified of getting pregnant because once I do, my chances of making partner will be taken from me”

“I love my children but I love my job too. Is it too much to want to eat my cake and have it?”

“I am eaten by guilt every time I have to choose my work over going to my son’s football practice”

It is a common conversation that work and motherhood do not go together and that women who pursue both must make endless compromises and trade-offs. Hence, a lot of career and business mothers can relate to some of those thoughts above. It’s common for working mothers to worry about their children, especially if they are juggling both work and home duties. But as a Family Wellness Consultant, I can guarantee you that your children will be alright even if you spend many hours away from them every day. It is not about the quantity of time you spend with them but the quality. There are so many societal pressures that define what mothers should be doing, how they should parent, and what the expectations should be. There are many unwritten rules that guide the thought processes of women even though they don’t consciously realize it.  Many times, these rules are not even true. The key here is balance though. Even though work demands a lot of your time, it is important that the moments you can steal off work must be spent creatively and actively engaged in their lives to make up for the time away. We have a free course that can help you get started on this journey www.tsageandtbog.com/courses. It is OK to enjoy being a working mom.

This article is to ensure that you don’t succumb to the guilt of being a working mom and to share tips with organizational heads on how to help out too.

It is important to know that being a working mother is not only suitable for financial reasons but research proves that there are several positive outcomes for the children and the family as well. According to a Harvard research study, daughters of working moms are more likely to advance in their careers, and sons of working moms go on to spend 50 minutes more each week caring for their own families. Giving your children space also gives them autonomy to learn on their own, in their way. The takeaway is that working mothers have a chance to help their daughters be more financially independent as adults – and help teach sons to participate as fathers just by being a working mom!

 

Being a working mom often provides many women with cerebral stimulation that they don’t get at home. This is why the societal pressure that mandates women to stay at home will not work for all women especially those who find great fulfillment in the work they do. Despite the challenges that come with finding a work-life balance, many moms who work say they’re healthier and happier than moms who stay at home. However, there are moms who enjoy raising their children full-time. That’s Ok too but this article is specific to working moms.

 

Another unspoken struggle working mothers face is the “mommy tax” they pay. Many women already earn less than their male counterparts but add the time taken off for childbearing years and they’re earning even less. It is important not to look at these in monetary terms only. A woman might be paid for her maternity leave but when she returns 6 months later or 18 months later [like in Canada], it is only logical that she definitely will not be on the same pedestal as her male counterpart seeing that he spent his 18 months working, gathering experience and honing skills that she was not able to. So, we find women scared to get pregnant on the job, struggle with guilt if they choose not to stay the entire duration of their maternity leave, or even struggle to come back to work and leave their newborn at home. We have evidence of women choosing to downshift in their careers to make more time for the home while some altogether quit the workforce.

 

Almost every household has been impacted by the disruption that comes from work-life imbalance, women have been the hardest hit. Although both mothers and fathers shoulder increased domestic responsibilities in the 21st century compared to previous years, the majority of the virtual homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and parenting is done by women. As a result, many women have been forced to sacrifice career advancement and some even avoid returning to the labour market altogether. Here’s a litmus test to know how prevalent this is – how regularly do you hear men being asked, “how do you cope with your job and being a father?”.

 

5 ways organizations can help

The good news is, that there are some specific ways organizations can better support working mothers, and soon-to-be mothers.

1. Offer Flexible Work Schedules:

Allow working parents more control over their schedules by implementing flexible work arrangements is a banger. It could be a hybrid work schedule, a pick-and-choose schedule or even a four-day work week like the Kaduna State Government announced in 2021. While it is easy to assume that doing this could harm your organization, data and various studies prove otherwise. Also, the productivity, creativity, and resilience of employees actually increase when these changes are made.

2. Establish Family-Friendly Policies And Benefits:

Women inclusion is a popularized concept in the corporate space and it is easy to assume that once there is an influx of women into an organization, the benefits will follow suit. That’s a farce. Women inclusion is only beneficial to an organization when the policies and benefits make them feel truly included. It is important to note that a happy employee will improve your revenue greatly. Imagine the benefits of having a women-inclusive workforce that is truly happy to be employees of your organization. Today is not a bad day to re-evaluate any long-standing policies and identify if any changes need to be made. Verify that each policy applies equally to every employee, regardless of their gender, marital status, parentage, or employment status. Even when the policies look good on paper, work may be necessary to ensure people feel comfortable using them without fear of shame, pressure, or retaliation. Some examples are company policies and benefits involving PTO, sick days, maternity and paternity leave, medical benefits, and fertility care.

3. Encourage Employee Resource Groups:

Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) have grown in popularity as diversity and inclusion programs become more prevalent in the workplace. The groups exist to provide support and help in personal or career development and to create a safe space where employees can bring their whole selves to the table. ERGs can be provided for working moms so that they can access resources, advice, and other practical support they might need.

 

4. Prioritize Building An Inclusive Culture:

Workplace cultures of inclusion and belonging can be a powerful tool for supporting working mothers. Research supports that feeling supported at work was linked with a 17% boost in women’s well-being since the pandemic began and a 28% boost for parents overall. Intent to stay scores jump by 31% for women and 13% for parents. Creating a long-term remuneration plan is a great step too. Offering industry-standard remuneration and benefits packages that focus on the long term is the first step in attracting and maintaining in-demand personnel. Working women seek advantages that help them reconcile their passion for work and love for family, such as paid parental leave, maternal leave, paid time off, and health insurance, rather than day-to-day perks like free meals, team-building activities, and gym memberships.

 

5. Make Coaching Available To Working Parents:

Professional coaching is not just useful for the leaders of an organization, it can benefit employees at all levels and in all roles. Coaches can assist working mothers in balancing work and family, managing stress, and caring for their mental health.

 

Summary:

When working moms feel their organization supports their well-being in and out of the office, data shows that the organization as a whole benefit. Over the past two years, working mothers, have seen their careers derailed and their home lives turned upside down with the COVID-19 pandemic. Nevertheless, the skills that working mothers bring to the table – empathy, multitasking, flexibility, understanding, time management, communication, staying calm under pressure, etc – are more valuable than ever.

 

 

 

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TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS; CAN TIME REALLY BE MANAGED?

TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS; CAN TIME REALLY BE MANAGED?

by | Aug 23, 2022 | Workplace Emotions

For something as infinite as time, do you suppose it can be managed by finite humans? Are we not basically asking humans who are bound in time to step out of time to control time? I find this notion fascinating and could not resist writing about time management especially since it plays a huge role in our work-life balance conversations.

In spite of the infinite nature of time, it is important to know that humans can function effectively in this infiniteness if only we learn to use the time to our advantage. Whether we are productive or not, time will not stop counting. Whether we take care of ourselves or not, time will not cease. Basically, we are to gain mastery of time management if we ever want to make the most effective use of this infinite gift handed to mankind.  The goal is not to control time. The goal is to manage time. Every time you find that time is never enough, then perhaps you’re trying to control that which was only designed to be managed – time.

If you never seem to have enough time, better time management can help you regain control of your days. Whether it’s in your job or your lifestyle as a whole, learning how to manage your time effectively can help you feel more relaxed, focused, and in control. Having a balanced lifestyle is the goal of good time management. There is a time management exercise I’ll like to introduce you to. When you perform this exercise, you will get one of two outcomes. You will find that you either spend too much time on unimportant things where you’re literally wasting precious time or you’ll find that you’re taking on too much and it’s making you feel like 24 hours is not enough to hit those goals. You can download the exercise here. 

The goal of this article is to show you the top tips for better time management.

 

1. Identify Purpose.

Every time I have held a work-life balance discourse, I always bring up the need to have an anchor in purpose because every other thing you will do will be done on the foundation of purpose. You have to be able to identify what you want in your career or personal life, who you want to be, and what you want to achieve. Consequently, that becomes the guiding principle for how you manage and spend your time. In order to arrive at your short-term and medium-term goals, you must first figure out the big picture. After which, you begin the process of managing your time to fit into the ideal picture you have created.

 

2. Separate The Important From The Urgent.

To-do lists are a good way to stay organized but you can easily get carried away with the multiple tasks to be achieved in a day. While it is assumed that keeping a to-do list will help you work out your priorities and timings, it is not entirely so. One of the major tips to help you better manage time is to develop your ability to identify what’s important from what’s urgent. They are not the same. The urgent will always demand your attention even if it’s not important. Do not allow the tyranny of the urgent to replace what’s important. So, ask yourself “is this an important task?” Using the Priority Matrix (Eisenhower Matrix) can help you identify what tasks to do first, what to schedule, what can be delegated, and what does not require any form of attention from you. Based on this matrix, tasks can be grouped into these 4 categories alongside the corresponding response:

 

 

  • Category 1: urgent and important
  • Category 2: not urgent but important
  • Category 3: urgent but not important
  • Category 4: neither urgent nor important

 

The responses to these categories are very different. Hence, the need to be able to accurately categorize your day-to-day tasks. Here are the corresponding responses:

  • If it’s urgent and important: Handle it
  • If it’s not urgent but it’s important: Schedule it
  • If it’s urgent but not important: Delegate it
  • If it’s neither urgent nor important: Avoid it

 

3.  Be Result-Focused.

The very essence of time management is to ensure that you’re doing high-quality work not high-quantity work. Nobody is interested in the number of hours you spent executing a task. Everyone is more concerned with the excellence your executed tasks exude. Don’t be deceived by how busy you are. That’s not the point. Staying extra hours at work can even be an ineffective way to manage your time. Once you distinguish the important tasks from the urgent ones and you respond appropriately to those demands, ensure that your methodology to execution is seamless, creative, excellent, and time effective. People who manage their time effectively concentrate on “not urgent but important” activities. That way they lower the chances of tasks ever becoming “urgent and important”. Since stress can result from having too many urgent tasks to handle, this is an excellent way of reducing stress levels and promoting excellent delivery.

 

4. Enjoy Lunch Breaks.

I used to be very guilty of working through lunch breaks in the hopes of hitting targets and meeting deadlines. I realized unfortunately that it is one of the most counterproductive ways to manage time. Studies show that in the morning, we can work for (at most) 90 minutes at a time before we begin to lose focus. Technically, we should break for about 15 minutes for every hour we work. Many organizations don’t have this infused into their organizational culture therefore, ditching lunch breaks is a no-no. When you return from this break, you will come back re-energized and refreshed – all emotional states to improve productivity.

 

Summary:

Working straight through fatigue and tiredness is often motivated by guilt which is why I often propose a guilt management class every time I teach time management. When we are busier, we feel less guilty and more productive but it’s not true. Being busy does not in any way equate to being productive. In the end, productivity comes down to how much we achieve, not how much we do. Working smarter and accomplishing more is possible when you take breaks.  If you do knowledge work for a living, your work benefits from all the energy and focus you can possibly bring to it. This means the time you spend taking breaks will pay for itself in increased focus and energy.

 

If you enjoyed this article, please leave a comment and share with your friends too.

DELEGATION; A DOUBLE EDGED SWORD

DELEGATION; A DOUBLE EDGED SWORD

by | Aug 16, 2022 | Workplace Emotions

“What is the point of being responsible for the work if I am not allowed to take the shine?”

 

“What does she even do? We seem to do all her work for her.”

 

“He never lets us do what we want. How do we learn and grow?”

 

“Why is he micromanaging me, checking on my work constantly? He either believes I can deliver or not. There’s no in-between”

 

Do these statements sound familiar? If you’ve heard this about yourself or you hear yourself saying this about your manager then I say a hearty Congratulations! You have just stepped on the sharp end of the double-edged sword called DELEGATION.

Generally, something that has both advantages and disadvantages is considered a double edge sword. The process of delegation usually refers to the process of top managers or subordinates delegating authority to middle and lower-level managers. While this is a straightforward definition, the actual process of delegation is anything but simple. A leader’s job is an extremely difficult one. They often need to make tough decisions, act when no one else will, and influence others to realize their vision. However, these actions always mostly have unintended consequences something we refer to as “the double-edged sword”.

For example, “is it better to let my team handle the work I do, or do I do it myself?”, “to what extent do I allow employees in on trade secrets?” Managers and Leaders face this dilemma more often than not. While it is important to recognize that one of the pillars of being a good leader is to learn to delegate effectively, it is also important to acknowledge that criticism will come as well because some members of the team may see you as using them to get your work done or see you as someone who is just not prepared to own and deliver on the job even if this is not your intention.

Let this not deter you!

SO, HOW DO YOU AVOID THE BLEEDING THAT COULD COME FROM THIS DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD?

In one word － Balance. The hallmark of a leader is the ability to discern what is too much and what is too little. The delicate art of balancing is the solution to dealing with this double-edged sword. Don’t feel bad when you slip up here and there because with consistent practice comes mastery. Here are a few tips to help you out:

  1. Learn to hand over tasks to your team rather than doing it all by yourself and don’t feel guilty when you do so. They might make mistakes but that’s not a problem. Before you became a leader, you made mistakes too. So, empower and let your team own the work you have made them responsible for. When they make mistakes, don’t be quick to lash out. The proof of a good leader is in their ability to raise others into leaders themselves. Provide feedback and don’t just criticize your team for small failures. Encourage them to stand tall and not get demotivated because of some small setbacks.

 

  1. Don’t involve yourself in the day-to-day decision-making process. This is not to say that you leave your team to run on their own especially when they’re new to this. Rather, this is a process of building trust. You can set the tone for the week and let them handle the execution but let them know that if they’re stuck, they can come to you for clarification. Until you can wean them off relying on you for day-to-day decision-making, this is a sustainable process.

 

  1. Accept that other people will have their own style of delivery. Therefore, chances are that your team will execute using other methods that differ from yours. That is the true essence of diversity and creativity. Even though it may not match your own style as long as the output matches or exceeds your expectations then should you really care? Unless it is unethical and incorrect, the answer is no. In doing this, you will also learn new things from your team and you will always have the best ideas originate from them.

 

  1. Although your goal is to delegate, understand that there is a difference between delegation and nonchalance. Coach your team regularly. Have sessions with them where they’re giving you feedback as well. The power of a synergized team does not come from the leader regularly dishing out instructions. It comes from a systematic communication channel that allows for feedback in response to instructions given. Don’t throw them in the deep end in the name of the delegation. Respect the viewpoint of the team and listen to their suggestions. If you can’t accept their suggestion, decline politely, and explain the reason for not accepting the suggestion. You will be respected more just by listening to them.

 

  1. One of the major reasons delegation sometimes harms leadership is because after all is said and done, the leader “forgets” to give credit where it’s due to the team and ends up taking all the glory for something that was a team effort. Make sure you praise and reward the team for the good work they do.  Celebrate their successes. Don’t forget that you are part of the team. Let them feel like you’re a part of them too.

 

Summary:

To delegate effectively, you must know how to lead by example. Your team will be more trusting when they know that the reason you’re delegating is because you want to also train them into becoming effective leaders rather than having them as slave masters. If the situation demands, roll up your sleeves and do the work alongside your team. Empathy helps strengthen positive emotions in delegation.

 

DEALING WITH TEENAGE TANTRUMS

DEALING WITH TEENAGE TANTRUMS

by | Aug 12, 2022 | Adolescence, Parenting

“I have no idea why they yell. Every suggestion I give is met with complaints, arguments and many times tantrums. It’s almost as if once I open my mouth to say anything to them, they’re waiting to tear my words apart. Parenting teenagers is hard! Why is no one talking about this?”

 

Sounds familiar? You thought the twos and threes were bad. Now you’re dealing with the horrifying thirteens—and it’s even worse. When she was two, she cried, kicked, and screamed. At 13, she’s yelling, slamming doors, storming out of the house, and screaming, “You can’t control me!” Teen temper tantrums are one of the many dilemmas we face as parents.

Is there a particular thing we as parents must do to successfully engage our ever tantrum-spewing adolescent? Might there be anything, in particular, we might be doing wrong as parents that set up teenagehood to be a difficult time for us? From our wealth of research and experience, the answer is both yes and no. There are times in life when we can control certain outcomes. But in situations where outcomes cannot be controlled, being equipped with the requisite knowledge helps one to go through with minimal scarring. Such is the adolescent dilemma.

So as parents, Yes!

There are principles we need to be cognizant of to guide our relationship and communication with our teens. These skills can be learnt and perfected over time as they greatly help in successfully engaging and managing teenagers and adolescents. If we violate these principles, what we get is a serious emotional lash out from our youngsters. Unfortunately, the traditional model of parenting constantly violates these principles. It’s no wonder there are never-ending squabbles and ever-present complaints while relating to our precious adolescents. Check out our free resources here on how to transmit instructions using our unconventional parenting principles. Adolescents can be groomed with certain cultural values that are necessary to sustain a high moral code and internal moral compass using 21st-century parenting skills.

And we also say No!,

Because there is a place in the physiological wiring of the typical adolescent that makes them into very emotional beings. In a previous article, titled ADOLESCENTS; WHY THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO, we talked in detail about the physiological wiring of your adolescent. As you are aware, hormones are greatly beyond our control and as such, it is crucial we understand the hormonal changes that go on in your adolescent’s body so as to better understand the way they view life.

One major principle to successfully engaging your adolescent is in the art of communication. Adolescents are in a transitory phase of their lives and this puts them in an emotionally and biologically unstable state. They are at a phase of life where they seek independence but traditional parenting makes it somewhat difficult for us to either accept that they are no longer our little babies who need to be ‘controlled’ but our emerging adults who need room to discover themselves. So, in communicating with your teenager or adolescent, here are simple tips on what to avoid as we believe this will make a whole lot of difference when communicating with your adolescents and will help manage the never-ending heap of teenage tantrums.

But before you start, understand that you need to take these steps when things are calm and no one is being confrontational. Don’t try this in the middle of a full-blown tantrum when you are both on edge as it will end up counter-productive.

  • Teach Your Adolescent to Earn Your Trust

During an ongoing tantrum, what you see is an adolescent who looks totally and hopelessly out of control. And your adolescent in return sees you, the parent, as so unreasonable that you’ll never give her any control over her own life. But this isn’t the case. In reality, you’d probably give her more control if you felt you could trust her to make good decisions.

When trust exists in your relationship with your teen, she has a positive influence on you. And you have confidence in her. And you’re more confident about giving her more freedom. But your teenager doesn’t realize how much influence she could have on you if only she worked to build your trust. And a tantrum doesn’t build trust.

For example, let’s say you tell your 15-year-old daughter that she can’t go to a party on Friday night because you know there won’t be any adults present. And you suspect they will be drinking. If your daughter reacts by screaming, sulking and slamming the doors, it does more than make you angry. Her poor reaction erodes your trust in her. When adolescents learn to accept “no” for an answer and not have a tantrum, it builds trust and positive influence with parents. Your adolescent needs to understand this.

You can role-play with your adolescent to teach her how to build your trust in her. Still on the party example. After your daughter calms down, you can show her a better way to respond that gives her influence. You can coach her to say:

“Mom, I’m really angry and disappointed that you’re not letting me do this. But I want you to know that even though I’m angry, I’m going to follow the rules. I hope at some point you’ll reconsider.”

When adolescents manage their emotions gracefully and honestly, it has a positive influence on parents. Also, as you teach the difference between positive and negative influence—and manage your own emotions calmly—you’re modelling the behaviour you want to see in your child.

  • Teach Your Adolescent How to Influence You

Oftentimes, when your adolescents act out, beneath the outburst is something legitimate that they crave. But the way they’re going about getting it is completely inappropriate. When I work with adolescents who act out excessively, I ask them questions like:

  • “What exactly do you want? More power to make your own decisions? More freedom?”
  • “How are you trying to make them accurately understand you without any iota of misinterpretation?”
  • “Are you getting what you truly desire?”

In most cases, the teenager will admit that it’s not working very well. Try asking your teenagers these same questions [during a calm time]. Then, you can shift the discussion into coaching mode by saying:

“Do you have any idea on how to get me to say yes to your request? Would you like me to teach you?”

Seek their opinion with genuine curiosity. Don’t attack or criticize them. Speaking to your teens this way helps them to see why their behaviour prevents them from getting what they want. It also helps with the proper development of the pre-frontal cortex. And, most importantly, you are providing them with an opportunity to learn to do better and to mature into wholesome adults.

  • Learn to Praise Them

As parents, we are constantly catching our adolescents doing something wrong. But we can also be deliberate in catching them doing something right. Let them know when they do something that builds trust with you. It makes them feel more confident in your love for them and that you see them as adults not as little children. Here’s an example. Let’s say your son wants to stay overnight at a friend’s house but you say no because you know there won’t be adult supervision. If your child respects your decision without a fight, reward him with positive praise. Say this to your child:

“I know you’re disappointed that I would not let you stay over at John’s house. But, I appreciate that you showed your disappointment politely. That shows maturity and respect.”

Here are some other examples of how teens can earn the trust of their parents:

  • Behave with integrity
  • Accept responsibility for mistakes
  • Volunteer information about everyday activities that are even seemingly mundane
  • Abide by the house rules
  • Try to do excel academically

When your teen talks to you about the details of her day—without you having to pry it out of her—tell her that you appreciate her openness. When you see her being compliant with your rules, notice it and say something. Noticing the behaviours you want to promote helps to build trust. And it reinforces the preferred behaviours.

  • Look For Pointers to Stressors

Adolescents get pretty stressed up too. Oftentimes, because we see them as children, it is difficult to come to terms with the fact that they can be stressed emotionally, socially, physically, mentally, etc. Peer pressure can take a toll on them and impact their moods. Their relationships with friends, crushes, etc can do the same. When they’re in a bad mood because of a bad day, they can end up being more irritable than usual. You know this is a normal phenomenon because it happens to you too. So, the next time your child has a tantrum, ask yourself what the tantrum is really about? Is it really about cleaning the sitting room? Or is it about some other stress in his life?

Conclusion

Tantrums, especially those displayed by teenagers, can be viewed as part of a normal adolescent development process. Teenagers, like us all, are works in progress. Your adolescents’ success as an adult will depend on how well they can identify and advocate for their own needs and resolve to persist when facing obstacles. It’s important to recognize that your teen is practising behaviours that, when refined, can be very useful as an adult, even if they’re currently inappropriate. That’s where emotional intelligence will help them out.

 

Happy International Youth Day 2022 from us all at TSAGE and TBOG Consult

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WORK-LIFE BALANCE; A MYTH?

WORK-LIFE BALANCE; A MYTH?

by | Aug 9, 2022 | Workplace Emotions

What if I told you that Work-Life Balance (WLB) is an impossibly unattainable feat, a myth, would you believe me? Have you attended seminars, listened to podcasts, and read articles on work-life balance yet you see no tangible shift in the imbalance you face? You still struggle to be home before your daughter’s bedtime or miss cheering for your son at his football game. You’ve applied every technique you know yet you still bring work home and miss family time. You’re in a frustrating cycle because you’re trying to find this balance to no avail. Is work-life balance truly what we think it is?

To understand why work-life balance as we know it might never work, we must understand that for decades, the concept of work-life balance we’ve been sold is a totally flawed concept. Every time we speak about Work-Life Balance, we often think about it in terms of spending equal time at home and at work. That’s impossible! We can only speak of balance when we have elements that are equal in weight and value and on opposite sides. So, you can say 1kg of water equals 1 kg of stone but 1kg of water can never amount to 10kg of water. They must be opposite elements in comparison. Therefore, my question is simple – “are work and life opposites?”

Absolutely not! Work is a huge component of life: they’re neither opposites nor equal. Therefore, balancing the two is futile and impossible. The scale will always be lopsided and it will always cause frustrations and feelings of personal failure for anyone who attempts to do this.

 

So, Does This Mean That Work-Life Balance Is Impossible?

Not entirely. If you use the right parameters then it’s totally attainable. There are three parameters we use at our organization, TSAGE and TBOG Consult – Time, Attention, and Satisfaction.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of coaching career and business women from various countries, on a three-day work-life balance coaching session. The feedback was incredible. I had tested some of the principles I shared with over 1500 persons during the course of my career and having these 58 women partake in the 3-day session was a profound moment. Some of the insights I’ll share in this article are a compendium of those conversations we had. So, what are these parameters?

Parameter 1. Time:

Every time we speak about work-life balance, we measure it mostly in terms of time. That’s a mistake. Even though time is an important component of the Work-Life balance equation, it is not the only parameter used to measure WLB. Creating time for other facets of your life is the first step to finding balance in all spheres of life. But sometimes, time is not enough. Some of us work many hours coupled with traffic congestion, time might not be adequate. Does this mean WLB is impossible for such persons? Not at all. If all you use as a parameter for work-life balance is time, that’s 1 out of 3. You’ll always struggle to maintain that ‘balance’ you seek.

Time management is a skill that must be imbibed for you to thrive in this ‘balance’. Here are a few things to note about time management:

  1. Sometimes, we take on more than we can handle. In situations like these, 24 hours will never be enough to find time to rest because you’ll bring work home, forfeit vacation time, and minimize leisure hours as well. You will need to master the art of delegation. Delegation is not the same as abandonment but it is a priceless technique that not only gives you time to breathe but also empowers your team members to become leaders themselves.
  2. Sometimes, we waste the precious time that we have on activities that are not productive without even realizing it. For example, the 20 minutes you spend during work hours scrolling through Instagram does not cost you only 20 minutes. It costs more time because it takes a longer time to get your work groove on after that unintended distraction.

Here is an exercise to help you with time management. At the end of the exercise, you’ll find out that you’re either wasting time or taking too much than you can handle: https://www.tsageandtbog.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Workbook-Two.pdf

Parameter 2. Attention:

There’s an illusion we daily fall into when we think about Work-Life Balance. It’s that, those who spend time with their family or friends are living that ‘balanced’ life. This is in fact a mirage. As a Family Wellness Consultant, I’ve mediated parent-child relationships where both parents drop off their children at a school and they all come home together yet, their relationship is awkward. This is because there’s no deliberate attention and engagement. It’s possible to be home and not be present. It’s possible to be with friends and not be “present”. If this is you, then you still aren’t maintaining ‘balance’. The Workplace Executive who spends 4 hours at home daily but is very present with their spouse and children is doing a whole lot better than the worker who spends 15 hours at home without actually being present. Pay attention to all dimensions of your life.

There are 8 dimensions to pay attention to if you must thrive in this ‘balance’ you seek. They are:

  1. Physical dimension
  2. Spiritual dimension
  3. Emotional dimension
  4. Financial dimension
  5. Occupational dimension
  6. Environmental dimension
  7. Intellectual dimension
  8. Social dimension

This ebook is a story that breaks down each of these dimensions in practical terms https://www.tsageandtbog.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/SILENT-TEARS-@tsageandtbog.pdf

Parameter 3. Satisfaction:

After making out TIME to ENGAGE your family and friends, the third parameter is satisfaction. How satisfied are you with your role at work and your role at home? How satisfied are you with life generally? How in tune are you with your purpose? How fulfilled are you? There’s always a measuring yardstick ingrained in your subconscious that nudges you whenever you’re slipping up on TIME and ATTENTION or when your sense of purpose is distorted, pay attention to it. The Six-Life Exercise is a tool that will help you find clarity, determine your levels of satisfaction, and help you make adjustments as required. Please listen to the video recording of a coaching class where this exercise was explained as it further buttresses some of the points raised: https://youtu.be/ykpQ87fojuo

 

Summary:

These three parameters are your measurement yardstick every single time you think about the concept of work-life balance. Also, you need to be aware that slip-ups are bound to happen on account of our humanity. There will always be seasons where the scale is skewed and family time [or work] suffers but your consciousness of these three parameters will help you stay ingrained. The easy route will be to plunge yourself into a cycle of guilt and despondency, comparing yourself to other parents who seem to have their acts together but that’s when you should remember the AAHA principle.  Most high-performing female leaders I work with struggle with work-life balance, these tips, and principles I shared here have been a game changer for many of them. Many of them leave our sessions with clarity and a resolve to find balance the right way. It becomes easy to commit to anything whenever you’re definite that it’s not a dead end. Changing your perspective about work-life balance will really help you attain that balance you seek.